Can you just stop talking to me when I am doing something? Can’t you see that I am trying to focus on what I am doing? Are you blind or simply selfish? You do what you want. You say what you want. I have to follow what you dictate. Be it whether I want to eat it or not. Even when I say I don’t wanna eat it, twice, you never stop forcing me to finish it. Just because you can’t. Hello!? I am an adult with a mind of my own, with my freedom to choose to do what I want. You don’t control my life! Hell! If my life is all about you, seriously, 36 years is more than enough. So, it’s either you die or I die. Till then, I’ll not get to live my life.
I was in the library yesterday, while I met this man, who looked the age of forty-plus.
I was seated at one of the worn and torn couches, staring intensely at my phone. Somehow, unknowingly, I looked up and saw him sitting opposite me, also looking at his mobile phone. After a while, he moved on to the high table at the side.
There is a quick charge corner in the library, for users to charge their devices. I was standing at the far end corner, charging my tablet while watching videos on Toggle. I must have stood there for close to an hour, when this man, seated at the high table next to where I was standing, walked towards me. Automatically, thinking that he wanted to have a quick charge as well, I shifted nearer to the wall, giving him space to plug in his device. But he did not plug in any device. Instead, he was standing next to me, looking at me.
Though I was wearing my earphones, I heard him saying, “Excuse me.” I looked up at him, quickly took off my left earphone and paused my video.
He: (Holding a power bank) “Hi. I have this, you can charge and take a seat, don’t have to stand here.”
Me: (Staring at his power bank, my mind was blank for a moment, then realising what he was saying) “Oh. It’s ok. Thanks!”
He: “Ok ah?”
Me: (Smiling) “Ya, ok.” (Then I returned to my video)
He: (Smiling also, then walked away.)
I was actually kinda shocked by his kind gesture. There are not many such friendly and kind people around these days. For the next hour or not, when I was still standing at the same spot, I spotted him looking at my direction a couple of times. I wondered if I did thank him earlier on, though I believe I did. It is a natural thing which I would do, I am a person full of “Please” and “Thank you”.
When I was finally done, after I packed my stuff, I walked towards him. Realising someone near him, he turned to face me.
Me: (Beaming) “Hi. Thanks for earlier on.”
He: (Smiling) “Ah. Ok.”
Me: “See you!”
He: (Waving) “Bye.”
Me: (Nodding and smiling) “Bye.”
Thanks to him, my heart was warmed yesterday. 😊
I have been feeling really unhappy these days, more and more as each day passes. I do not know why, but I decided to make my current life status the reason. The fact that I am unemployed for nine months, and could not get a job, saddens me a great deal. Not to forget that I am unwanted in my love life, too. Both the job and love markets have no opportunity for someone like me. It is so depressing to be such a person. I feel like a huge failure. I am getting the feeling that my status quo will stay forever.
I have been taking pictures of a lot of my stuff, to post and sell online, including my mobile gadgets. Not as if I will be able to make as much as what I would have earned from a full-time job. Somehow, it makes me feel happy when I get to clear things. Somehow, I think I like to be a minimalist. Ironically, I simply have so much stuff. I just have to sell them away one by one, patiently.
Hopefully, as I managed to declutter my life in terms of material possessions, I will be able to declutter my mind of the unhappiness.