Life Lesson From A Lecturer

When I was doing my first year of diploma, the economics lecturer gave me a great lesson in life.

During the first thirty minutes of the first tutorial, she did not touch anything on the subject, but was chatting away with a couple of students in the class. Very soon, I became annoyed, and yes, it showed on my face. I was marked right away, and for the rest of my three years there. Actually, three and a half years, as I had failed some subjects and had to do an extra semester. Anyway, this lecturer, Koh Pee Tee, was well-known in Ngee Ann Polytechnic, for her obnoxious and vicious ways of treating students she disliked. There were three subjects in economics for the diploma, micro, macro and international. I failed each and every of them on my first take. Well, one could imagine how much I must have hated to be in her (or her friend’s, another horrible lecturer) classes. There was one extra class she was giving before the exam, which I had tried to attend, and was kicked out of. Simply because she disliked me, I was prohibited from attending it. So much for a lecturer.

Anyway, the life lesson from this witch was, “Never be arrogant, unless you need nothing from anyone else for your entire life.” I was young and hot-headed, unable to conceal my emotions, thus, I suffered the consequences of not getting the knowledge and information I should have received.

This stayed in me, even today. This is also why I am always humble and giving at work. Somehow, being soft has not granted me a happy work life, either. I have been trying to be accommodating, and yes, I have always been a people-pleaser. All because I know that there will be some day when I will need help from someone else, and I hope that by being nice, I will receive help when the need arises. However, I always find it hard to accept when people are always ready to reject or refuse to provide assistance. Anyway, it does not matter now. Those issues and people belong to my past, and are nonexistent now.

Still, sometimes I wonder, if I did not change myself to become who I am today, would my life in this society be better?

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Born Liar

We went on a few dates during the past three weeks, but I stopped contact with him two days ago.

During the few times we went out, and during the rare phone calls (I did not feel like talking to him on the phone. I found it exhausting to talk to him. Thus, I tried to keep conversations with him to only when we went out.), he had tried endlessly to impress me by telling me how rich he was, how capable he was at work, how good-looking he (thought he) was, how many female contacts he had, how much other women wanted to be his girlfriend, etc.. Frankly speaking, if he was that good, what was he doing on the dating website for months? Well, he had actually sent me a few messages on the dating website for the past few months, to which I ignored, till the last one which I replied to, with the thought of simply having a chat with someone of my age. Perhaps I was tired of being mistreated by a much older chauvinist, that drove me to reply to his message. I thought it might be more relaxing to chat with someone of my age, someone who is less domineering. Well, I was not quite right.

The reason to why I found talking to him exhausting was that he was always looking for fights. He was always finding something to bicker about with me, and that was irksome. If a guy wants to impress me with all those brags, I can understand, most likely he just wants to look good in front of me. However, if I barely know this fella, and he thinks that by having squabbles every now and then proves that he is eloquent, or worse, better than me in any way, there will only be one result – be out of my life.

He never stopped telling me about other women he had met up with, and how attractive they found him. For every of the beautiful tales, it would always end with “I’m not interested in her at all.”

He was a liar, and spun numerous tales right from the beginning, but never passed my detection. He told me he met another lady from the website, who thought holding lots of credit cards as a form of social status, and he told her that he had only three credit cards. He also told me that his ex-girlfriend, whom he applied supplementary cards for, exceeded the credit limit of twelve thousand dollars. Next, during one of the dates, he said he was thinking of which card to use for payment, when I noticed and asked if he was reluctant to pay for our date. Then, a few days later, he said that after the episode of his ex-girlfriend (whereby she exceeded the credit limit), he canceled all his credit cards. Yes, out of nowhere, we were not talking about anything near the line of credit cards or anything that could link to it.

He loved to come out with whatever subject out of nowhere. I had no issue with that, perhaps it simply came to his mind. But somehow, it seemed to me that he had them rehearsed, as if he had planned what to tell me beforehand. Is that not pretentious, or is it me who got a problem?

He claimed that he was giving part-time lectures at NTU, every evening from seven to ten, which was a work contract of six months. However, when he wanted to meet me, he was always able to cancel the classes. He said that he was helping his friend, the professor, thus, he could just tell him when he could not turn up for the class. What I did not understand was the possibility of his actions. How could anyone, under a contract, cancel his responsibility as and when he likes? If it was really possible, he did not seem responsible and reliable enough to see things through.

He kept telling me that the female undergraduates were always skimpily dressed (in a disapproving manner). But he also said he could not understand why women always cover their low neckline (the chest area) when they have to bend over. Quoting his exact words, “If you have the assets, flaunt it. Why cover?” So, which was the real him, the ethical lecturer, or the lecherous one?

He claimed that he was earning two hundred dollars per hour for the part-time lecture he was giving, and that he earned eight thousand dollars for his full-time job as a legal consultant. Yet his response to my gym membership (which I paid nine hundred dollars for initial payment, and subsequent monthly payments of fifty-over dollars) was “Expensive.” I was kind of dumbfounded, because on one hand, he said that it was not a lot of money (the hourly wage of two hundred dollars for the lecture), on the other hand, he found it expensive to pay what I had paid for my three-year membership at the gym (I asked if he would like to join me at the gym). Also, he said that his parents kept telling him to not work so hard, and to quit his evening lecture job, and that they could pay him what he was getting for two years, if he needed the money. But he said he did not need the money, he just wanted to work. So, for someone like him, who was so rich and capable of making tonnes of bucks, why did he find my gym membership (one of the best options I could find, given the facilities available) expensive? Not to forget that he claimed that he had a gym membership at a premium gym years ago, which is no longer in operations.

During the few dates, there were only four dates when he was really having his meal. Other times, he simply said he was not hungry, and had a few bites. For a guy of his size, especially if he said that he had not eaten for the entire day, it was hard to believe that he was not hungry. What I perceived was that he had had a meal before he met me, or that he was going to have another meal after our brief date before his “class”. Well, I believe I was not paranoid, because I had seen his normal meal portion, which was a big portion, perhaps normal for guys. Hence, for someone with an appetite as such, I was unable to believe that on so many other occasions, he was not hungry at all without any food.

There were many other factors which made me delete him from my life, once and for all.

He said that he would not be logging on to the dating website anymore, but a few days later, he logged on. Not only that, he accused me of logging on to the website, and that he was sad. My defense was I did not log on for a week before that, and when I finally did, I saw his last logged on time which was two hours earlier. He made me feel that his words could not be trusted. Not to forget that he was full of assumptions and accusations, and was pushing responsibilities to me on several occasions. Anyway, we were only dating, so even if he still wanted to explore other options, there was nothing wrong. What I disliked was the fact that he said one thing, but acted in a totally opposite manner.

During a dinner, when I was sharing something with him, he interrupted and asked if I was not good in my presentation skills. That was totally unrelated to what I was talking about, and his arrogant assumption made me speechless. All other times, when I was talking, he either seemed uninterested, or he would cut me off with another subject. When I was not talking, he would say that I was bored of him. 🤔 Would anyone disagree with me if I think that he is a psychopath or sociopath, or anything of its kind?

He made a judgement of me as a shy person, who is not good at communicating. In fact, after all these episodes, I feel that he is someone of inferiority complex, which is the reason to his constant boastful tales. A person, who is truly confident of himself, most likely is also modest. Someone in a certain profession, like in the law industry, I believe, does not behave in the way he did. Immature, disrespectful, demeaning, and presumptuous.

When I told him I was done with him, his response disgusted me. He accused me of seeing another man. He accused me of making him spend money on me. He accused me of not being serious in dating him. Not to mention all the other nasty words he hurled through texts via all channels and apps available. I blocked him everywhere, thereafter. I had to put my phone on airplane mode, simply because he was calling nonstop. I could not block his calls, because his was a private number. It was obvious why he was using a non-caller ID number. I believe he used to harass other women before me, with endless calls too.

Well, he has stopped calling. I hope that is the end to his episode. Otherwise, I will not hesitate to report him to the police.

Some people are simply born to be liars. Or perhaps, they went through something which made them turn to telling lies and believe their own lies. I have met someone who tends to lie the moment he opens his mouth. Maybe it was a way of covering his true self. Maybe it was already a part of him. I find these people pathetic, for they have lost the truth in life.

Constant

One important factor in a relationship is to be constant. One may not be able to increase his/her love, efforts and time inputs, all the way, however, he/she can be constant. Be constant in the care and concern provided to the other half. Be constant in giving love and respect to the other half. Be constant in the communications with the other half. Be constant in all that one does, right from the beginning, and the relationship will go a long way.