Demoralized

Yesterday, big boss replied to my email requesting for his signature, then added another email asking me “how/when do you intend to process the documents?” when he said that “the piles are growing on your desk”. As nobody chased me for any documents, I didn’t think I have anything pending in hard copy. So, I replied to him that I would go to office today to process the documents. I thought it was a huge pile. But, seriously, just a couple of documents, a mail and a DHL envelope. I guess he was pissed because he was asked to digital sign a document which he had signed the hard copy last week. Well, I don’t read the documents seeking his approval. All of them look the same to me. How was I to know that it was a repeat request? Sigh~ I have been really unhappy since yesterday. My angel was telling me, if not for this COVID, I would have to report to office every day, and in my position, it’s my job to attend to all the documentation. My devil, on the other hand, was telling me, it’s so hard and frustrating! Why can’t he just go and fix his e-signature?? If he could e-sign all PDFs, I won’t have to print the documents for his physical signature, and there won’t be any repeated request, and I don’t have to go back to office at a time like now when the daily cases are in hundreds and still increasing!

I am so fed up. It seems that these bosses need to see you in person to be sure that you are really working. I mean, if you don’t trust your subordinates, how to work?? There’s a saying in Chinese, “If you want to work with this person, you have to trust him; If you don’t trust this person, don’t work with him.” See, as simple as that! I’ve been so busy all day, so exhausted, and I can’t believe that the bosses would suspect that I’m not working, just because I don’t go in to office. It’s annoying. I hate to be doubted. Because I’m just so hardworking. I don’t even go for coffee breaks. I go to the washrooms for barely twice in the more than 8 hours in office. I spend less than an hour for my lunch, which includes the time used for walking to the place to buy my food and then back to office to eat. It could take up to 25 minutes to walk to buy and queue for lunch and then back to office. So I have actually 30 minutes or less for eating. I’m so busy all day, and I seriously have no idea what I’m busy with. Simply because I’m in admin and supporting role, there’s no results to gauge what I have been working on. And those stuffs, organisation chart and business cards order, which are in the activity planner to see how efficient I am, I can’t believe they take more than a month. The organisation chart is kinda settled for now. But the business cards, gosh. What’s so difficult with deciding on the details?? It has been going to and fro for more than a month. And finally I thought I could go ahead with the printing, then last check found that the vendor missed out 1 amendment!!! So now I have to wait for another revise. Argh!!!!! I really hate to drag a task. And for goodness sake, it’s just ordering name cards!!!! I’m so frustrated!!

And the Chinese boss asked me to tabulate the payroll thingy for this month and “to list the main differences between the actual invoice and budget”!!! Seriously, I hate this!!! Because I don’t know what they are looking for exactly. Though I think I have accomplished the task and have sent her the file, I anticipate, and know, that she will come back to me and ask for additional details. Tsk! Irksome! I know, this is my job, and it’s really not that tough. But it’s taking a toll on me. Today I realised that I have a lot more grey hair!!! Before I started my work here, I didn’t see more than 1 strand of grey hair at the bang portion. Today, I saw from the roots, there are at least 3 strands of grey hair growing more than an inch. and not to mention the parting area. Sigh. And my face has a few acne for the past week. I thought it’s due to little water consumed over those few days. When I was working, I was so busy that I hardly felt the thirst. Now, I know, it’s definitely due to stress. I think I really can’t take more stress, if not, my immune system will go haywire again.

Bless me. Let me get a new job with higher pay and bosses and colleagues who are real good to me and the work responsibilities are what I can cope very well with and the work benefits and environment is nice and the workplace is near to my home and that I don’t have to go in to office more than once a week. Please. I’m really drained.